The name says it all:

http://www.nsfwnews.com/

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/games/paris_cellphone.asp

Make sure to "text" Lindsay Lohan & Ashlee Simpson. Holla bitch!


Morrissey continues his journey from out under a rock with a new live release.

http://www.nme.com/news/111542.htm

Ok. I love The Foo Fighters. I really do. I also love when Dave Grohl guests on other artists albums like QOTSA, Probot, and Backbeat Band. I DO NOT, however like it when, in addition to getting Josh Homme and John Paul Jones to appear on the Foo's upcoming double jawn, he enlists the talents of none other than...Norah Jones? I think my balls just shriveled up into my body.

http://www.nme.com/news/111544.htm

My other favorite Scots Teenage Fanclub are releasing a new disc this year! ( the other being Travis, silly!)

http://www.nme.com/news/111539.htm

The Killers decide to forgo releasing the best track off of "The Hot Fuss" here in the US, and instead give those lucky limey's "Smile Like You Mean It." Sod off!

http://www.nme.com/news/111524.htm

Here are some tracks from the never-to-be-released Fiona Apple album "Extrodinary Machine" courtesy of, well fricken every blogger online. But I will give a shout out to my most excellent holmes Dodge over at My Old Kentucky Blog (http://myoldkyhome.blogspot.com/)

http://www.angelfire.com/wa2/nadjadee/index201.html

And now, another 5 minute time waster: How well do you know Radiohead? If anyone can score higher than "Hail To The Chief" which I did, I'll send you an amazing Radiohead mix of live, b-side and cover songs. A 13records exclusive!

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=7849869914232171427

Fred Durst is such a queer.Apparently now his sidekick has been "hacked" and I use that term loosely people. First off Fred, hit the fucking gym and do some crunches Tae Bo stylee. And secondly, I wouldn't have that fucking smirk on my face if my dick was as small as yours.

http://fred.pimped.org/

Don't say I didn't warn all of you of the ensuing skankiness.

WTF is Ryan Adams on & will someone PLEASE get me some?

http://www.ryan-adams.com/default.asp

Hi-liarious new spin on T.P.S. reports from the fab movie "Office Space." Keep an eye out for Aquaman. He's my favorite. O-o-o.

http://idiotwork.com/pages/tps.html

Apprently, Lindsay Lohan didn't bother to learn the words to the current single she's promoting. Well, that's ok sweetheart! We'll just set up a backing track for you to flop around to. Oh and by the way, when you fuck up (and believe me you will) just stand there and smile. NO TEXAS JIG! DO YOU HEAR ME ASHLEE????

http://www.anticlown.com/archives/2005/02/lindsay_lohan_l.php

Most of the time I really dig the tracks that Scenestars (http://www.scenestars.net/) has up for yours and my sampling pleasure. Most of the time. I could do without all the trance-y/dub/let'sjustchilloutcausei'mcomingdownhardman selections. But the Scenestar I dig the mostest is Rachel Hurley. Besides having a great pop sensibility and overall eclectic tastes; she always manages to turn me onto something new. And lemme tell ya folks, that ain't an easy thing to do. Where was I? Oh yeah. Pop sensibility. I downloaded Ben Lee's majestic cover of Modest Mouse's "Float On" and quickly fell in love with it. This Aussie's got skillz. Fast forward several months to the release of Ben's new jawn "Awake Is The New Sleep" and the single "Catch My Disease." This is pure pop the way it should be: loose, off the cuff, and downright catchy. Enjoy the fruits of Mr. Lee's recent downward spiral after being dumped by Claire Danes. Whatevs.

http://www.scenestars.net/

Scroll down to find his tracks.

From Letterman:

10. "It's too bad Snoop Dog didn't win for best 'Izzle'."

9. "Special thanks to CBS for letting us pre-empt...uh..whatever the hell it is they usually show at this time."

8. "Here to perform with Green Day, please welcome poisoned Ukranian President, Viktor Yushchenko."

7. "I didn't know the 'Z' in Jay-Z stood for 'Zellman'."

6. "They should give a Grammy to the artist whose CD is easiest to open."

5. "If James Mallison doesn't win classical producer of the year, this thing is fixed."

4. "Christina Aguilera's in her limo making Los Lonely Boys a little less lonely."

3. "I like Bjork's new album, but her last one seemed Bjorkier."

2. "Coming up next, an illegal downloader will be beaten to death by U2."

1. "What a surprise, Madonna's dressed like a slut."

Spoon sign worldwide distribution deal (minus North America) with Matador Records. Read on:

http://www.matadorrecords.com/news/index.html

From the "Please remind me how this qualifies as news" file:

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=7610690

From the "Please remind me how this person's 15 minutes hasn't expired yet" file:

http://img181.exs.cx/img181/7093/7799400040qy.jpg

Liam Gallagher + Spongebob Squarepants = best photo op EVS!

http://www.productshopnyc.com/archives/liam.jpg

Finally, from the twisted geniuses who brought you "Big Ass Titties":

http://www.joliehomewrecker.com/

The Field Day Music Festival for 2005 is off. The festival, which rumoured to have Radiohead as headliners, had scrapped plans for a July concert at Greig Farm. Instead, promoters will focus their efforts on summer 2006.
The festival was scheduled for July 16-17. It was expected to draw about 30,000 people a day, with three nights of camping. Promoter Andrew Dreskin had hoped the show would be the first of many Field Day festivals at the farm.
The Red Hook town board had given approval for a mass gathering permit last year on the condition all other state and county requirements were satisfied.
In a press release, show promoter Andrew Dreskin said difficulty scheduling talent, along with the challenges of meeting the requirements of state mass-gathering permits, led to the decision to cancel this year's show.
This isn't the first time the Field Day show has run into difficulty. In 2003 when Radiohead were on the bill as well, the venue had to be shifted from Riverhead, Suffolk County, to Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J., because town officials backed out at the last minute.

Ok, so lots of people are into having cybersex right? Right. Well, here's a link to the IM transcripts between some guy named BloodNinja and some very pissed off women. Why pissed off? Well, click on the link below to find out. The shit is so f'ing hilarious it's ri-dick-culous. Seriously. This guy has talent.

http://www.sreality.org/bloodcyber.html

Seeing as how I'ma be outtie this Friday ( UCLA vs ASU @ Paulie Pavilion Thursday night; Hangovers and a long ass drive back home on Friday) I thot I'd hit ya'll with the potpurri today instead.

Loverly mash ups courtsey of benjgc, via the most fab http://myoldkyhome.blogspot.com/

http://people.brandeis.edu/~benjgc/
(Make sure to check out Outkast vs. Justin Timberlake's "Bomb Me A River.)

Beck's new video for "Black Tambourine" (which in MY honest opinion is a total rip-off of Prince's "Tambourine" from the album "Around The World In 80 Days" but really, hasn't Beck been ripping off Prince for, like, what, 10 years now? "Midnight Vultures" anyone? Anyway, this awesome new vid is done entirely in ascii. So cool, so very cool.

http://exodus.interoutemediaservices.com/deliverMedia.asp?id=0a00ef06-15ba-43f7-bf4d-86e8778be457

Have fun with ascii yershelf:

http://www.network-science.de/ascii/

Now, I'm not usually a fan of music polls (unless it's spelled "poles" and there's a half naked stripper wrapped around it) but when I read that Matthew Perpetua @ www.fluxblog.com was invited to participate last year, I was curious to see how he voted and what the final results were. Well, what can I say? Besides being fairly predictable and begging for indie/street cred, they did include some bands that I whole-heartedly approve of such as The Killers, The Arcade Fire, A.C. Newman, Madvillain, Drive By Truckers, Elliott Smith, Scissor Sisters, The Walkmen, !!!, & The Finn Brothers. Wait a tic...who's really begging for the cred here? :shakeshead: Ok then, on to the results. Enjoy:

http://www.villagevoice.com/specials/pazznjop/04/

After Pitchfork's best singles of 2000-2004, Hail To The Thief was named the 39th best album of the decade so far, Amnesiac 21st, and Kid A the 1st!

039: Radiohead Hail to the Thief [Capitol; 2003]
Old habits die hard-- having left the grand spotlight-sweeping gestures of "Creep" and The Bends far behind, Radiohead still can't help but sloganeer disenfranchisement. "The raindrops." "This is the gloaming." "Little babies' eyes." "We want young blood." "Just because you feel it doesn't mean it's there." This isn't subtle stuff, even if Thom Yorke spends a good amount of time singing (mewling, wailing) in a near-whisper. These fragments repeat endlessly, transforming into funereal rallying cries, the perfect chants to accompany these resolute dirges. So damned serious and earnest, these guys. And, of course, there's title of the album, utilizing a horrifically awkward pun to announce itself and its intentions. Yet where the words and their purported import might be cumbersome, the music is sublime--electrostatic shocks mingle with three-penny operatics and Sophoclean choral uprisings as if they're long-lost friends kicking back a few cocktails. Even the Horsemen of the Apocalypse need some down time, y'know? Yes, this is An Important Album, all of it, every scratch and breath, every tic and squeal. But don't let that nonsense stop you from enjoying it. --David Raposa

021: Radiohead Amnesiac [Capitol; 2001]
On what may be Radiohead's classiest and most restrained collection of songs, Thom Yorke ran endurance tests on his repertoire, having cast himself in a guitarless role that might be billed as a fight between his piano man, his personal jesus, and hisparanoid android. Oddly pretty, the album's cynical showtunes slithered through pop history, flinched with futurism, drank dyspepsia, chewed troublegum, shriveled Big Brother, and inflated Chicken Little. Amnesiac crouched in its own deprivation chamber so elegantly that its initial misdiagnosis of being "10 songs in search of an album" would be forgotten if not for the reprise of Kid A's "Morning Bell". But even that echo was recast from a warm distant place, like a clone baby singing itself to sleep in a makeshift womb, its lullabies dreading much more than prequel-envy. --William Bowers

001: Radiohead Kid A [Capitol; 2000]
Exactly how and why Radiohead's Kid A has come to stand as the definitive artistic statement for rock consumers born after 1975 is almost ridiculously difficult to discern. People believed (and continue to believe) in the metaphysical heft of Kid A: in itsaesthetic worth, its innovation, its meaning. In 2000, Kid A felt true and inscrutable; five years later, it somehow still does: From its chilling opening organ figure to its closing silence, Kid A is enormous-- a huge, sweeping testament to Radiohead's ever-swelling worldview.
Kid A was an obvious departure from its predecessor, the guitar-swollen OK Computer, and it alternately challenged and confounded Radiohead's core audience. Regardless, the record's supposed difficulty also lent it a certain sense of gravity: Kid A is confrontational and insistent, mysteriously capable of convincing some of the most stridently anti-electro guitarheads that inorganic flourishes can feel bloody and real. Consequently, in the months following its release, Kid A transformed into an intellectual symbol of sorts, a surprisingly ubiquitous signifier of self. Owning it became "getting it"; getting it became"annointing it." The record's significance as a litmus test was stupid and instant and undeniable: In certain circles, you were only as credible as your relationship to this album. And that kind of intense, unilateral, with-us-or-against-us fandom felt oddly, uncomfortably apropos in the face of all that sound.
It is in this weird sense that Kid A was (and continues to be) the perfect record for its time: Ominous, surreal, and impossibly millennial, its revolutionary tangle of yelpy, apocalyptic vocals, glitchy synths, and beautiful drones is uncertain about both its past and present-- and, accordingly, timeless. --Amanda Petrucsh

Here's Pitchfork's full list
www.ateaseweb.com

Daily Show scribe Tim Carvell dreams up a hilarious memo from the NFL to Paul McCartney...

We've reviewed your set list and dance routine, and we have just a few notes:

• 
  "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da": Is there something you can say after "life goes on" that's not "bra"? The word still makes us a little nervous around here. Thanks.
• 
  "Blackbird": "Take these broken wings and learn to fly"? It's a lovely image, Paul, but: Children are going to be watching this. No parent wants to have to explain injured birds to their children, especially not on Super Sunday. Can you sing around it so the bird's wings aren't broken? Maybe the bird could take its "bucket o' wings" and learn to fly? KFC may pay for the product placement. Just a thought.
• 
  "I Saw Her Standing There": "Well, she was just 17, you know what I mean"? I am fairly certain that I do not know what you mean, but I do know that she'd better be at least 18. Make that 21. Or 25. She was just 25. That works fine.

From www.stereogum.com

Hi-larious flash animation of Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan, doing, what else? Talkin' smack. Bitches.

http://images5.theimagehosting.com/parislind.gif

From www.pitchfork.com

We've finally got the scoop, baby-- Spoon's fifth long player, now-finally-entitled Gimme Fiction, is complete and set to be released May 10 via Merge Records, the band's home since 2000's Loveways EP. And we don't want to blow our cred and sound like fanboys (and girls) or anything here, but we're pretty fucking excited. Yeah, like Who's The Boss on DVD excited. Star Jones at a seafood buffet excited. Sexually excited. And so should you be: Spoon have been rockin' hips consistently since the mid-90s, when Telephono sprang fully-formed from Texas' sole indie hotness hotbed, Austin. Then Britt Daniel and the boys went big time with their second album, got screwed by their record company, wrote a couple songs about it, and eventually ended up on Merge, which really is probably for the best, as it led to 2003's Kill The Moonlight, the band's so-far masterpiece.
But, you know, it's going on three years since Moonlight dropped, and unlike that record, which was released a year after 2001's Girls Can Tell and felt relaxed and maybe even a bit rushed, the band has laboured over Gimme Fiction, with little to no word on the proceedings. Aside from periodically released demos or videos taken from sessions, there was little to tide over the band's rabid fans. But with Merge issuing the new record soon, we're left with a tidy couple of months to repress our big boy crush on Daniel and sharpen our ears for what'll hopefully be a corker. Oh, and we also have a tracklist:

01 The Beast and Dragon, Adored
02 The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine
03 I Turn My Camera On
04 My Mathematical Mind
05 The Delicate Place
06 Sister Jack
07 I Summon You
08 The Infinite Pet
09 Was It You?
10 They Never Got You
11 Merchants of Soul

You may have noticed the band's name in our Coachella report yesterday, cleverly hidden among the Coldplays, NINs (our backwards "N" is at the cleaners), and Bright Eyes. That, so far, is the only performance Spoon has announced for 2005, but we think you know that we know that you know that they know that that won't be it. Follow?

* Pitchfork Review: Spoon: Kill the Moonlight
* Spoon: http://www.spoontheband.com
* Merge Records: http://www.mergerecords.com